


tell the world that I'm still here

by adumpeesdumpers



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Barista Na Jaemin, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Humor, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Students, renmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adumpeesdumpers/pseuds/adumpeesdumpers
Summary: renjun likes jeno, jaemin the cute barista is jeno's best friend.oh how fast the heart changes.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	tell the world that I'm still here

**Author's Note:**

> Another renmin uwu. Title inspired by Day6's Zombie english ver.

"injunieeeee." the big baby beside him wails as his hold on his slim and tiny waist tightens every time he cries harder. Snot dripping on his then wet shoulder, groaning playfully from the grossness. He swats the crying big baby off him and cradles his face on both of his hands making the ma face him properly.

He fights back the urge to coo at the sight displayed in front of him, fading blue hair sticks to the man's forehead wet from sweat. His eyes red from crying, tears dripping on his flush cheeks as he continues to let out sniffles on his chapped and pouty lips.

Sighing, "What are you crying for, you big baby?" Despite knowing why, he still asks because it's different when the big baby said it himself. Hearing it coming from him makes him feel content and the butterflies in his stomach doubles, no matter how much he tries not to show and pay attention to it.

With trembling lips and tears meeting his snot the big baby hiccups and said slowly, "It's jus-just, I can't believe it." then returns to crying loudly again, and he even had the audacity to rub his wet face on his chest again.

Frustrated by the action, it can't rival the softness he felt when his big baby said it. "Is it really that unbelievable?" he asks softly as he brushes the hair away from his big baby's forehead, wiping the sweat at the same time.

For a moment, his hiccups and sniffles filled the room. No one said a thing, both pondering but not awkward.

He prefers this type of silence.

It's calming and not disturbing.

The silence is not enough to disturb his calm, and the peace his feeling in a long time. His life these days-more like years consisted of him pinning and chasing after someone who doesn't even acknowledge his own existent. That now, finally he can now say that he's no longer chasing but is here. Holding the arms of his big baby, staying still in their own little world and bubble.

To say that he is happy is an understatement.

He is actually beyond that, he can't name this feeling because it is something he hasn't felt, and it is his first time feeling this.

Being wanted.

The stars finally aligned for him huh?

Bringing him back to reality and away from his thoughts, "I thought you would never look my way, that's why."

He can't help the tears that's threatening to fall on his eyes, doesn't even notice he's holding them back for awhile now. With his big baby still buried on his chest, he let the tears fall and caresses his baby's back lovingly as he swayed their body back and forth in a calming rhythm. Their rhythm.

He actually knows what it feels like to not be looked at. Not being acknowledged. He knows that feeling all too well. Hence the reason why his life before was bland and nothing but pains of heartache. Knows how hard it was to not push someone to look at him, to resist the urge of confessing, to stop himself from breaking the relationship they had and that is friendship.

It took all of him not to, resulting in him breaking each damn time.

And to hear that his big baby was feeling the same as he did when he was busy chasing someone while his big baby was also chasing him. He didn't notice.

They are two broken souls, wrapped in each other's arms. Singing themselves a lullaby as they get lost in those memories of tears they promised not to return to now that they finally have each other.

Finally.

Maybe, the stars aligned for them to be broken in order to meet each other and be the anchor in their broken ships.

They're no longer ships in the night reaching different shores, they are ships that sailed together in order to reach the same shore.

Their shore.

Now it took him back to the moment that led to this.

This is how their story starts.

renjun recalls,

With his eyes busy staring on the love of his life, burying his nose on his thick ass of a book wearing his glasses who only amplified the slope of his nose, how perfectly shaped it is. He can't help but let out a dreamy sigh as he stares at the lohl.

His hands propped up on the table, face palming himself not bothering to tear his eyes as the personnel in the cafe brought his drink for him.

"He'll melt if you keep on staring you know."

"Might as well melt with me don't you think?"

Averting his eyes for a moment, Renjun was met with a boy around his age who stood beside his table wearing a black beret, not enough to cover some stray hair showing his pink colour hair. Bunny teeth peeking out as he smiles at him.

He also looks taller than him, lowering his eyes. He saw his name on his nameplate tucked and placed it on his left chest.

Nana.

Nana? Is that really his name? Expected, his name suits him really. Nana, exudes the soft ulzzang boy you see on the streets who would look beautiful wearing pastel clothes as he sips his strawberry smoothie and beams happily while you walk down hongdae streets holding each others hands.

Nana fits that type.

Not Renjun's type sadly.

"I don't think that'll happen actually, he has a boyfriend right?"

Gone is his praise for Nana, his eyes turn into slits and nan flinches a little by the look he gives. With a grimace he affirms, "I mean isn't that the reason why he's always here studying? Waiting for his boyfriend to finish his class?"

Feeling bad for scaring the boy, Renjun returns his gaze on his crush. Lee Jeno, the baseball captain of their university and Dean's lister at the same time. Which is very remarkable given how busy he is juggling practice and school works. Renjun can't even focus on one essay, well he's not proud but yeah that's him.

He remembers the first time he met jeno. Renjun was busy cramming that time, inside the library and in the corner so that no living organism will come and disturb his peace, studying alone. (i.e Donghyuck) is his best friend who saw him in that state he'll sure laugh his ass out and tease him about it. Because studying and renjun doesn't go well in the same sentence. And renjun is living with it. Only this time he can't.

Last night, he was watching oblivious gay twinks smacking balls and professing their love for volleyball. (i.e haikyuu) he was so gone that when he woke up earlier with a drool on his face, he scattered honey butter chips on his stomach which thankfully showed no signs of ants eating him. When he saw the clock above the TV, screaming at him that an hour from now is his exam and no, Renjun didn't study anything, even prior. And no, there is no stock knowledge to stock. He's really doomed. Super doom.

Maybe the deity is helping him that time, sensing his favorite son's distress. He gave him lee jeno.

Jeno went up to him then, asking softly if he is okay or is there anything he can help since he saw how Renjun keeps on tugging his hair out of frustration.

Embarrassed by his state, the sweater that he just picked off his gaming chair who he remembers wearing two days prior. Hoping that he actually washes or wipes his drool, or any signs of being ugly on him.

With flushing cheeks and desperation he nodded, and hand jeno his book. His eyes brighten and he hears the fireworks erupt when jeno smiles at him and teaches him about the stuff he can no longer remember now but gratefully he did pass his exam with a C thanks to jeno the love of his life. Jeno shone so bright then, the birds were also chirping, it was also that day that renjun realised. That, this is it, jeno is gonna be the father of his children.

Since then, he's been following jeno everywhere. Well not really, he still has a life of his own. And classes to attend to, much to his dismay. That's why, when he found that jeno frequents this Cafe near their school every morning before his class and after his class.

Also why Renjun finds himself every morning. He set an alarm for this, every eight in the a.m despite not having showered he would stroll for three minutes and set on the corner of the Cafe away from jeno's vision as he order hot choco and their breakfast meal A. Which consist of tocino, garlic rice and two pancakes which he preferred with chocolate sauce than maple. Eating slowly, while fighting the urge of closing his eyes, sleepiness eating him just to spend his time watching the love of his life even if it means taking an hour of his sleep, and his money for staying and not being thrown outside for not buying.

After Jeno packs his bag to go to his class, Renjun would rest for five minutes before walking back to his apartment near the school. Sleeping for a while, showering then preparing for his class which starts at 10 and ends at 4 in the afternoon. As usual, Renjun would stay there, away from Jeno ordering his matcha latte as he waited together with him. Sometimes finishing his school works if he's not lazy.

Waiting with Jeno, waiting for his boyfriend.

Mark. A year older than them, an exchange student from Canada and Jeno's boyfriend. Both are outstanding students, that's why to no one's surprise started dating each other. Even deeming them the campus couple for they are not only smart because of their looks also. The visual couple.

Masochist right? Renjun knew it that he has no chance with the man he likes but he still, still finds himself yearning for him.

Because, whether he admits it or not. Jeno was the reason he's still here. For something he doesn't like.

Renjun was not fond of numbers and anything associated with that. But his parents force him to study economics preparing him for succeeding their growing sugar cane business. Growing up renjun was fascinated with arts and everything about it. Thankfully he's gifted in that area, thus not making it hard for him.

Or not. Because when his parents found out about it, they hastily packed his bags and sent him here in Seoul. Being enrolled in economics without his approval, he wants to go back and go to one of the prestigious art academies in china. But his mom begged him not to, and Renjun always has a soft spot for his mom. Without a say, he nodded. Now he's here, in his second semester of freshman year.

It was hard then, adjusting to the language. Well, not really since he has some relatives who's korean when he was young he was taught about it. But it's really different and a big culture shock, speaking to native koreans, every day, every minute, every second of his life. He gets overwhelmed sometimes, but it's been more than half a year already. He's gotten used to it, a bit.

Renjun actually plans to run away and pursue what he likes but the image of his mom being disappointed in him holds him back.

Now jeno came in the picture, the very reason renjun stayed. Thanks to him, but still it's not enough ro make him like numbers okay.

"I know, no need to rub it in."

Was it two months ago? When he found out that jeno is already in a relationship? Since then, his life returns back to being bland and boring. Juggling between a broken dream and a broken heart.

Huang Renjun is miserable.

But he can't find it in him to go, to let go. Because letting go means making his mom cry and forgetting about jeno. He still can't do it, not yet.

Renjun is scared.

afraid of what the future holds.

Let's face it, renjun is secured. If he finishes his degree he'll go back to china and manage their business. Where if he pursues art, where does he go after then? He knows that making a name in that industry is hard. What about jeno? Truth be told, renjun is afraid of relationships and commitments. With jeno, despite his broken heart. He knows he'll not suffer and be anxious about being one. Because jeno and him is a hopeless case. Despite that, it's sort of an assurance about things not going out of hand.

Renjun would like to keep it that way, that same path, same routine.

Keeps him sane.

What he didn't know was that a cute barista with bright pink hair and bunny teeth will disturb and change his routine.

But he can't find it in him to complain.

Because maybe, he's always been waiting for that disturbance to arrive and shake his world awake and away from darkness sprinkling it with his endless of sparkless and bright colors.

Renjun is saved.

A small nudge and the feeling of coldness takes him back to reality, glancing below he saw a plate of blueberry cheesecake waiting for him to be eaten.

Furrowing his brows he looks up at Nana and meets his gaze, "I didn't order this?"

"That's on the house."

Quirking his brows, not really content by the answer, he watches as Nana sighs and briefly closes his eyes before he says, "Peace offering for what I said earlier."

Biting his lower lip, Renjun fights back a smile at the sight of Nana's flush cheek. "What's there to apologize for? What you said is true." he's not wrong really. Renjun is not offended or hurt by it because he long accepted the fact.

"It was sensitive of me."

Rolling his eyes, he huffs out a sigh. "It's okay, I really don't need to beat yourself up." Renjun assures when he saw nana fidgets on the hem of his apron and pouted his lips, not meeting his eyes.

He's cute, renjun admits.

"Just take the cheesecake and I'll feel at ease." Nana pushes and who is renjun to decline such an offer?

"Fine. But you promise me that you'll stop pouting understood?"

"Pouting? Who's pouting here?"

"You, you big baby."

And if Renjun saw how Nana went still at the pet name and flushes more if that's even possible he doesn't show. Or how he hides his smile by stuffing himself with the cheesecake as an excuse, nana doesn't need to know.

That was the start of his, "My first love story."

After that day, renjun would find a cup of hot choco with a sticky note.

"I'm still here."

Every morning, every time he eats his breakfast and watches jeno go to his first class. Nana was nowhere in sight.

That's when he found out his real name. And no he didn't dig, didn't beg, didn't bribe donghyuck in finding out who is that guy named Nana with bright pink hair working in the Cafe near campus.

Na Jaemin, August 13 2000. A photography major, minoring in dance. Freshmen, works part time that starts at 12 and ends at 5. Why does Renjun only see him after his class, that's why.

Also, Lee Jeno's best friend.

The biggest plot twist of all.

Renjun has always been impulsive and reckless, but bad at feelings sometimes. So don't blame him when one time, after jaemin puts his matcha on the table. He grabs his wrist and smiles blindingly, hoping it'll work.

"What is it this time?"

"What? Can't I ask you to sit with me and talk about your rabbit at home?"

"I don't own a rabbit."

"But I haven't asked you anything?"

"You did. About my dog and cat which i actually don't ow-"

"Okay-okay. You know jeno?"

"I like my man's assertive renjun."

"So you're jeno's best friend?"

"Yes and why?"

"Can you walk me to him?"

"Walk? Can't you walk?"

"Not literally you big baby, what I mean is figuratively. As in, introduce me to him."

"What will I get?"

"It's not free?"

"There's no longer free in this world injunie."

"Okay. A cup of coffee everyday."

"I work here, of course I'll get a free drink everyday so no. Try harder."

"Cheesecake?"

"No."

"Meal. Two blocks away after your shift before you go to your first class. Everyday."

"Tempting."

"Please uh?"

"Okay. Deal."

"Deal."

"Tomorrow after your class."

"Nice."

If you ask renjun if the deal was worth it, he'll answer a no. He's losing over a simple introduction to your friend. What he didn't know that months later, he'll look back and feel grateful for that stupidity of him.

Trembling from the anticipation and the butterflies in his stomach. He took a sip of his drink to calm his nerves.

Renjun knows it's not his first time being introduced to someone but it's different if you've been looking at that someone for a long time and just now finding the courage to show yourself and maybe enter his world.

No, Renjun actually wanted to bring himself to announce his existence in Jeno's life. But he was held back by the news, of what he found out months prior. So he just content himself by watching him from afar. Which is nothing new because he is used to it.

Also no, he's not doing this to be a home wrecker or what. Renjun really genuinely wants to be friends with jeno, and maybe show him how grateful renjun is to him by his small gestures of helping hand before which means so much to renjun who's drowning then.

He felt someone burning holes on his head and he doesn't need to turn his head to know who it is. Clearly disturb by his constant movement, "Stop fidgeting will you?"

"Shut up. It's not like you're the one being introduced to your crush." From the corner of his eyes he saw jaemin roll his eyes at him.

"Yayayaya." 

"Jerk."

Renjun finishes his class earlier than usual, that is both a blessing and a curse because he'll now spend his time waiting for jeno to arrive and of course, wait with jaemin who's being loud and annoying.

"What's good about jeno anyway? I'm better than him."

Shocked by the arrogance coming from the younger, Renjun exclaims,"Wow dream on Na Jaemin. He's way better keep dreaming. Are you even hearing yourself?"

Not backing down, instead Jaemin argued."I'm saying the truth, nuh?"

Doesn't want to indulge the younger further, he asked Jaemin the question that's been bothering him since he found out that he is Jeno's best friend. Because it doesn't make sense no matter how much he thinks about it, "Ya, by the way. The first time we talked why did it sound like you don't know Jeno is waiting for Mark or dating him?"

"Just because. I want to gauge your reaction and see for myself if my observation about you liking my best friend is correct. Plus, I don't want people to take advantage of me just to get closer with jeno."

Jaemin had him in the first part, he was about to snap at him but was silent by the what follows.Stopping mid-sip he dips his head lower and mutters a,"Sorry."

Jaemin only shrugs not bothered, "Nah. It's okay, the deal is great anyway."

But renjun can't help it. "Now, I feel bad. I feel like I'm using you, which is not wrong."

Sensing his distress, Jaemin puts his hand on his shoulder soothing him. Assuring him that it's okay. Which only worsens his feeling, because how can he still be kind despite being used and being taken advantage of? "Silly, I agreed to this okay? Remember what you said then?"

Finally lifting his eyes and meeting jaemin's sparkly ones, he asked. "No?"

"Stop pouting you small baby." dragging out the small which didn't go unnoticed to renjun.

"Ah, small huh?" 

Renjun went and tickled jaemin's side hoping he's ticklish and yes he is. It's renjun's victory this time. He keeps on tickling Jaemin, who's now squirming on his seat, hands trying to cover at the same time swat renjun's."Stop stop I'm ticklish okay? I'm sorry I won't call you small anymore because obviously you're not small just smaller than others but not really smal-okay sorry. I'll stop now."

Lost in their bubble they didn't notice the figure who's standing beside their table awkwardly. "Hi?! Am I disturbing anything?"

Shocked by the sudden appearance of Jeno, Renjun stutters out a reply."Ha? no-no!"

Sighing internally, Jaemin spread his hands out on the backrest of the seat. Lightly tugging on Renjun's hair which didn't go unnoticed by jeno. He greets his childhood friend and best friend at the same time. 

"Sup Jen."

"Looking happy jaem." jeno fires back, eyes turning into crescents as he smiles. And renjun can't help letting out a dreamy sigh.

Internally irritated at the sight, jaemin coughs and introduces the two. "By the way this is my small friend, Huang Renjun."

Jeno who's now taking a seat opposite them, "Nice to meet you renjun, I'm Lee Jeno."

From the corner of jaemin's eyes, he notices how renjun blushes and his ears reddening as he stutter,"N-nice to meet you too."

Jaemin can't help but snort at the sight, whipped.

"Ah!" yelps.

"You okay?"

Smiling evily, like he just didn't pinch jaemin's side."Of course, jeno. My big friend is okay, right nana?'' Renjun said, turning his eyes on Jaemin, sending daggers his way.

Before jaemin could even, "No- O-of course I'm okay. Better than ever actually." instead he said, rubbing soothing circles on his side after being pinched again.

For someone so small, renjun is strong.

Looking weirded out but didn't saying anything about it, Jeno just mumbled an, "O-okay."

That's how their meetup goes. 

Renjun finds out that Jeno is soft spoken, who listens well and never judges him about his fascination in terrestrial beings, even indulging him to talk more about it which he happily obliges and talks about everything he knows. 

Jaemin long left to work for his shift, leaving jeno and renjun alone. He actually thought he'll feel awkward being around his crush, surprisingly he doesn't. Actually, he feels comfortable around him, that's why he can speak easily.

But everything must come to an end.

"Bye renjun."

"Bye jeno, mark." he bids albeit bitterly, but he never shows it on the surface entirely.

"Stop pouting small baby, because you're treating me. Let's go or I might be late."

"Which is better and to my delight."

"Really? Smallllll baby?"

"Shut up!"

Like two babies, they banter back and forth again and again.

That's how Renjun's world started changing.

Jaemin slowly creeping in and leaving his imprint.

Since then, some times jeno would sit with renjun to renjun's happiness really. Talking about nothing in particular, renjun is really contented. He also found out that mark is really great, he finds himself talking to mark more than jeno actually. Now he gets it why they are compatible and how they suited each other.

It's an approval from him.

Other days he'll be shocked by the lack of emotions more like hurt. 

But he knows why exactly.

It's because of those sticky notes he gets on his hot choco every morning. 

"I'm still here."

-big baby

The same phrase every day with no fails, at first he rolls his eyes by the repetition but later on he finds himself waiting and anticipating the same phrase every waking day. Strangely he's calm? Like the simple phrase calms him. Assures him that someone, particularly jaemin is always there for him.

Keeps him sane from the days he'll feel homesick, days he wants to eat his mom's specialty. Dumpling, which he loves the most and the way his father would sit with him every friday night to watch all of Sylvester Stallone's movies alternating between Jackie Chan. How he misses his nana's afternoon tea as he sings renjun tian mi mi while his grandpa hums in the background.

He misses his family.

With Jaemin's note, he's reminded that he is not alone.

And it is enough to put him at ease.

Renjun even bought a small box to cater all the notes he gets from jaemin, putting it there for him to read when he's sad. He doesn't know how or when, but he knows it's there.

He is blunt, not really renjun admits. He tries to be blunt. But he's bad at feelings, that's right. That's why it's hard not to act upon them when the said male is just beside him, always with him. Never living him.

Jaemin is everywhere.

Like a routine, with his notes on every hot choco. Renjun stays and waits for jeno to leave, but now he waits for jaemin to finish his shift so they can go out and eat dinner prior to jaemin's class. Every day, well except on the weekend. That's his alone time. Time to calm his heart whenever he thinks about jaemin.

He is with jaemin always.

Sometimes jaemin would stay at his apartment on Saturday's to play games, eat, force renjun to do his schoolwork or studies. But most of the time they lay there on the couch, limbs tangled as they watch KnB. To Jaemin's distaste actually, Renjun argued that he likes Kise's face, that's why he watches the anime. Which jaemin argued about him being better looking, and renjun thinks that yes of course you are better than them.

Jaemin has become a constant in his life, one renjun didn't expect. But like a storm, jaemin came wildly but stayed like a soft rain falling on the roof, mending what he disturb by his calming nature.

Renjun likes the company.

Likes how it makes him feel things.

Renjun's class was cancelled for the day so he was at the cafe again, this time when jeno arrived to wait for mark he sat on his table and they talked.

"You know I thought you're boyfriends."

Averting his gaze from jaemin who's busy talking and smiling on the customer, renjun vaguely remembers named mina the cheerleader captain. For some unknown reason there's a bitter taste stuck in his throat.

He regards jeno his attention this time, "Hm? Really? How so?" now his eyes are back on the two who's still talking. Is her order that many? What's taking her too long? Also why's there no customer on the line, so that she'll move out of the line and jaemin will entertain others.

"Like this. You being jealous over someone. For the record, my best friend is gay in case it's still not obvious for you. He won't look at girls believe me."

"Yeah and I like you before and now I like your best friend. How fast the heart changes uh?"

Jeno only throws his head back as he laugh and renjun laughs with him too. Unbeknownst to them the daggers jaemin is throwing at their direction.

Weeks ago renjun admitted that he once has feelings for jeno and thanks him for his help before which is not a surprise that jeno doesn't remembers. He's help a lot of people to even keep track on their names and faces, renjun is not offended really.

Mark was also there on that day, they only laugh about it and talked about a certain pink hair bunny who changes his heart and who makes it easier to move on and forget about his feelings for jeno.

"Why won't you confess?"

"And risk being rejected? No thanks."

"You won't know unless you try."

"I may be impulsive sometimes but I'm no risk taker. Also, I'd like to keep what we have now."

Another voice chimes in, "Won't you want to level it up and do what couples do?" said the newly arrived mark who dips his head and pecks jeno's waiting once.

Renjun only rolls his eyes and scrunches his nose at the sight. Gross. "Nah. I'm good."

"Sure? Sex is amazing."

"Please stop I don't want to hear my ex-crush sex escapades."

"We have a lot of toys at home. What do you prefer? Knotted or bullet-"

And mark goes on and on about their variety collection of sex toys. Hoping that renjun's flustered face will give jaemin the sos that he needs.

After jaemin's shift they walked in silence two blocks away to get their usual dinner.

For some reason, the younger is being quiet right now which is a bit weird. Renjun only shrugged his shoulders, maybe it's one of those days.

Even when they finished ordering and their food arrived jaemin is still quiet which is making renjun frustrated. Was it something he did? Or what? 

Before he could even ask what's wrong jaemin beats him to it.

"What were you and jeno laughing about earlier?"

Oh? Renjun's brow shut up in fascination and a little bit of shock. Is this it? He's jealous? On jeno? Really? 

Renjun didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Well, you see. They invited me for a threesome."

And if jaemin chokes on his food that night and renjun just laughs it off and giving him the water after he's all red and tears streaming down his face, is one of the reason why renjun wants to stay like this.

Just because you're avoiding it doesn't mean it won't happen.

One night, jaemin was again staying over when he asked renjun.

"Won't you pursue your dreams?"

A simple question that rendered Renjun speechless as he thinks and thinks.

Won't he?

Actually, he's been thinking about it. Now that his freshman year is coming to an end, he's planning on going home for the break and persuading his parents about switching courses and if they won't, renjun's been saving up his allowances for emergency purposes. 

If worst comes to worst, he might run away for the sake of his dream. Selfish he knows that, despite the blurriness and the uncertainty of his future. Renjun would still try and follow his dreams this time around, a year is enough. The trials on the road might be hard but he'll face it head on with iron grip as long as he's doing what he actually loves.

But again, he's already fallen into a routine.

Deeper this time.

Jaemin is his routine.

Pursuing his dreams means, leaving jaemin and moving on from jeno.

The latter his done already.

Renjun has grown attached to the younger. Very.

How Jaemin would leave his jacket and shirts around Renjun's apartment albeit purposely because he knows how the older likes to wear his clothes who clearly looks bigger than him, how Renjun would wear it to sleep. 

Jaemin would often cook him food whenever he is around, even to the point of learning to cook some chinese dishes for renjun. And Renjun experienced his first heart boner then.

Sometimes on sunday, they would go to the nearby park to get a breath of fresh air. Being one with nature after being held up in the confines of his apartment all week. They would stroll and stop on some street foods indulging themselves on it.

Would often go out to watch movies together, eat dinner outside. Buy each other clothes or accessories for no particular reason. Treat each other their favorites, to make each other happy.

One time jaemin brought him home to meet his parents because renjun was feeling extra homesick that time. Jaemin's family, like him screams home. They are kind enough to welcome him, fed him and let him stay for the night. Where he cried in jaemin's arms for gratefulness he can't put into words.

They act like a couple with no label.

Hence, he decline the idea of confessing.

Plus, if he's really leaving. All the more he can't confess. He just can't.

It was Sunday then, both of them were walking as usual in the park when Renjun spotted a cotton candy stall and forced Jaemin to buy one for him. Who'd actually won't take time if Jaemin stopped being annoying.

Eventually they sit on a nearby bench munching silently.

"I'll pursue my dream."

Momentarily he expect jaemin not to say anything,

"That's good injunie, finally took you long enough. I bet you'll do gre-"

"It means I'm leaving."

"-at there."

After that, they haven't seen each other much. Because it's finals week, or just an excuse to think and comprehend about everything.

This is the reason why renjun prefers his first routine. Because then he actually plans, in the back of his mind about returning home and pursuing his dreams. That's why he can't get attached, be in a relationship and commitments because it'll be unfair for the other party when he leaves. And Renjun is no good at long distance, he just can't.

It's too late. Because despite having no label. What he and Jaemin have is already a relationship, unbeknownst to them they have already committed themselves. The moment they chose to spend time with each other and turn down other people.

He's scared because renjun is close to staying. He knows he can't, he's waited a year already for this. He won't let his efforts of waiting and suffering for a course he doesn't like go to waste. Won't let his dreams be far from him again.

So, with strength he doesn't know where he gets.

He smiles at Jaemin, who's waiting for him and stretches his hands out for him to reach. Clasping their hands together, slotting their fingers perfectly as they walk in comfortable silence towards the check in area.

He's leaving today. Four days after finals. Also, the first time he meets Jaemin again after the day he breaks the news about him leaving.

Stopping right outside, he faced jaemin and squeezed his hands as he tried to smile.

Trying his hardest not to cry at the sight of jaemin, jutting his lower lips out, eyes red from tears threatening to fall. It's really hard for renjun to go, he also knows jaemin won't let him stay. Jaemin wants him to fight for his dreams and he'll do it.

No matter how much it breaks his heart.

Both of them are babies trying to stop their urges to crying, breaking. Renjun was close to breaking when Jaemin breaks first and it breaks Renjun's heart more.

Jaemin slips his fingers and laces both of his hands on his waist. Wrapping him tightly in an embrace as he cries on the juncture of his neck. Renjun looks up the ceiling to hold his own tears back, almost miserably failing.

Without hesitation he hugged the younger back, patting his back as he reprimanded jaemin. "Take care of yourself okay? No more staying up late gaming, understand?" jaemin only nodded from his neck in response.

Later then, "You too. Don't get sick, you know how small you are, you'll get sick easily because you're small ay-what i mean is please don't get sick I'm not there to take care of you uh?"

"and please please please come back safely."

"I'll be waiting."

"I will come back. So wait for me for a bit okay?"

"Hm."

"I will. You know I will."

"My big baby."

"Take care, my small baby."

With a tearful face, Renjun stands on his tippy toes to plant a small kiss on jaemin's forehead. Pulling right after as he turns on his back, letting his tears fall freely. Walking faster because if he won't, he might choose to stay and he can't afford that.

Not now. Ever.

No matter how it hurts.

With a heavy heart and a piece of him left behind, renjun boarded the plane on his way home to stop chasing someone but start chasing his dreams, with an image of his big baby to motivate him.

The first few months in art school was harder than what renjun anticipated. But jaemin's constant messages of "I'm always here." everyday was enough to keep him going.

The hard times when he felt like giving up but the face of jaemin and the sacrifices he made just to be here with his dreams is enough to remind him why he was here in the first place. And why he chose to hurt the only man he loves.

Yes, love. The distance was enough to make him realize that what he had for jaemin can't be describe as like, it's more than that. And no, renjun is no longer afraid of being in a relationship or commitments. Rather, he is excited to ask jaemin if he wanted to be boyfriends. And the thought was enough to make him feel giddy inside and excited about coming home.

I'm still here.

Jaemin never fails to message him those words everyday. Like a secret code. It makes them feel at ease.

And renjun too, knowing jaemin is still there waiting for him to return and he can't wait to go home. This time in jaemin's arms where he truly belongs.

Now back to the present, where he soothes the crying big baby in his arms.

Today he returns here in seoul after three years.Three long and miserable years without jaemin his big baby. Renjun really tried his hardest not to go to Seoul when summer breaks rolled in; that's why his years in art school shortened because he decided to take a full year without stop without break.

He's back for good. This time his parents supported him for his decisions in his life. To the point of even asking him if he wanted his parents to fund his own atelier which he politely declines because he wanted to staft from scratch. Even if it's difficult, renjun will make it. More so, with jaemin who's now by his side.

Jaemin picked him up earlier at the airport, they are now in Jaemin's apartment in gangnam. Renjun's long been sold when he left.

The moment he settles his luggage beside jaemin's bed, his big baby decided to jump on him and hugged him tightly. Taken aback, but he sighed contently. Feeling the younger's embrace tightens.

Delayed gratification.

It was worth it.

Being back in the arms of his big baby.

His jaemin.

His Nana.

Finally.

"You dumb small baby making me wait."

"Well, you said you'll wait."

"I did."

"Tss. Stop pouting okay? My big baby."

"My boyfriend na jaemin hm?" 

"Boyfriend?"

"Yes. You don't?"

"Injunieeeee."

"What are you crying for, big baby."

"It's jus-just, I can't believe it."

"Is it really that unbelievable?"

"I thought you would never look my way, that's why."

"Who would when there's a whole jeno a few meters away."

"Injunnnn"

"Kidding. Of course I'll look at you, your pink hair took my breath away."

"Really? Should I dye it back?"

"Nah. I actually like this new one."

"Okay."

"But really jeno is so hand-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, soft lips shush him from speaking further. Closing his eyes and parting his mouth, renjun welcomes jaemin's tongue. Letting him explore the inside of his mouth as he sometimes nibbles on jaemin's lower lip. Sucking gently and sighing from the happiness radiating from him.

Truly.

Delayed gratification.

The feels of jaemin's lips against his own, won't rivaled his countless daydreams about how would it feel.

Because this is his reality.

Jaemin kissed him passionately as he slowly laid Renjun on his bed softly, tugging his hair and snaking his hands under Renjun's shirt and he let the younger do as he pleased.

Three years is a long time.

His moans and cries of pleasure turns into full blown crying after jaemin cums inside him for the nth time that night or dawn?

He's just too happy. Beyond.

He never knew that having the cute barista with pink hair seal a deal with him before, would be the same barista who's now sealing him with a kiss.

Renjun is happy.

In jaemin's arms.

From now and onwards.

It was later then, laying on the bed naked with the comforters draped over their body did he ask.

"Nana, what do you mean by 'I'm still here?' does it have a deep meaning hidden?"

"It's silly really."

"I like silly."

"Well, I've read it before how scientists believe that why birds sing before dawn is that how they show their mates that they've made it through the night and that I'm still here like how people sing, create art to say that I made it. I'm still here. so, I want to say that to you. That no matter what, I made it, you made it. We made it. We're still here."

"I want to keep on reminding you that I'm not leaving nor going away."

"Dramatic."

"Yours."

"My dramatic boyfriend big baby na jaemin."

"Shut up"

"So, you think I'm your mate?"

"Oh please just shh."

"No, go on so mates then?"

"Gosh."

"Stop pouting you big baby."

Renjun might not say it back, but he's here too. He made it. With jaemin beside him, creating his art telling the world that he's still here.

**Author's Note:**

> Tysm for reading it this far. Appreciate it really (´ε｀ )♡


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